Monthly Archives: March 2012

God Condones Homosexuality? (Response to Matthew Vines)

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Matthew,

Unlike many of the people that disagree with you, I can actually empathize with you. I am just as attracted to the same sex as you are, and like you I did not choose those attractions. I am your age, almost 23, and for the past two years I have also been on a search for truth. My search differs from yours, though. You see, I was already unashamedly accepting of my homosexual feelings and was out to everyone that I knew by the age of 20. Then, in Sept of 2010, God interrupted my life and caused me to take a more massive U-Turn than I could have ever imagined. Over the past two years I have come to know God, study His Word, and understand homosexuality in a way that I never had before.

Firstly, I am not even going to debate you concerning Sodom and Gomorrah or the two passages in Leviticus that clearly point out homosexual behavior is an abomination. If I hear one more thing like “well do you eat shellfish or watch football? that’s a sin!”, I will spontaneously com-bust. We are at this time under the New Covenant, by the blood of Jesus, and the ultimate source of clarity and truth about how we are to live will come from the New Testament Scriptures. I am not by any means voiding out the importance, truth or relevance of the Levitical Law; but because of the confusion it may cause some of the readers I will refrain from it for the time being and focus on the three NT Scriptures that you also addressed.

Romans 1

” For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

- Romans 1:18-32

In your argument, you firmly state that you believe this passage, but say that the rest of us have remained unaware of the true contextual meaning. You claim that the homosexuals this passage is referring to are people who always had heterosexual feelings, but in defiance to God they turned away from him and adopted homosexual behaviors, which are contrary to their nature. You tell us that this passage isn’t applicable to people who were born homosexual, because same-sex desires are natural to them.

Basically, you say that if you’re born gay, same-sex relationships are okay. But if you’re born straight, it’s not okay. In fact, you claim that if a person who thinks they are gay gets married and has a family with someone of the opposite sex, then they are in sin and deep idolatry since they are doing what is contrary to their “true nature”. You believe, according to this Scripture, that God has made some of us gay and some of us straight, and that we should live according to how he oriented us.

I am sorry, but you have to have a deeply darkened/deceived heart to be able to believe such a foolish lie and extract such an erroneous interpretation from this passage in Romans.

Everything that you have stated above about “innate same sex attraction” being the justifiable reason to pursue relationship with a member the same sex can not be found in Romans nor any other book, chapter, or verse in the Bible. You are taking your own ideas and projecting them into the Scripture rather than taking the Scripture and allowing it to shape what you believe. If you want to believe homosexuality is not unnatural/sinful, by all means I guess you have the right to do so. But in no way, shape or form can you use Romans 1 to back that position up.

In the first few chapter of Romans, Paul is making a point to group us all into the classification of sinners. He points out that we have all been given a knowledge of God… yet we have all suppressed it and rejected Him. He states that because of our stubborn rejection God has given us over into the grip of our sins… with some it is homosexual passions and desires…but ultimately we all fall into the list of over twenty sins as the end of Chapter 1. That is the point of Romans 1… pointing out all of us as sinners… not just some of us.

1 Corinthians 6 & 1 Timothy 1

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,”- 1 Corinthians 6:9

“For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;”- 1 Timothy 1:10.

The references to homosexuality in the above verses come from the Greek words [malaokois] (effeminate) and [arsenokoitai] (abusers of themselves with mankind).

Arsenokoitai is a term that Paul seems to have coined, in which he used two words to form the one. The word is made up of the two terms “bed” and “male” in the plural sense, hence we see he means two men in a bed. You say that this carries more of an economic context, such as prostitution, rather than same-sex sexual sin. You claim that 1 Corinthians 6 isn’t even directed toward sexual sin contextually. The problem is that you are once again projecting your own ideas into the text. The context of this part of 1 Corinthians is in fact sexual sin, as we see Paul rebuking the church in regard to the man who had sexual relations with his mother in Chapter 5… immediately proceeding from Chapter 5 carrying over his theme of sexual immorality into Chapter 6.

Again, Arsenokoitai: Two men, one bed… pretty clear.

Now, malaokois is another term you also addressed and informed the viewers of your video that it’s definition in the greek was “soft”, which is true. Many who agree with you say that we can’t really know what Paul meant by using this word and harshly forbid that anyone draw any lines from this word, “soft”, to homosexuality. I have one problem with this…. it’s right after the word describing homosexual behavior in the midst of two entire chapters addressing sexual immorality. Therefore I would say it is relevant to the issue of sexual sin and is in fact defining the “passive” partner in homosexual relations or even describing those who are homosexual who act like women… which we still see much of that behavior today.

But on that note, pertaining to effeminacy, I will say one thing… there are many ignorant and arrogant Christians who look at someone like me and say that I am effeminate because I don’t wear camouflage, watch football, and shoot stuff while I sit in a tree. That’s…. retarded. I’m sorry, I can’t think of a better word to describe the redneck-idiocy of that ideology. Biblical masculinity is defined as being the leader, authoritative, protective, the cultivator, the provider, etc. That is biblical masculinity. So the church, and our culture, needs to stop coming down on guys who are into arts, music, theatre, etc. Stop telling these people they need to change or that they are “Fags”. There is nothing masculine about feeding a little deer all year long then going and getting up in a tree and shooting it. If you want to be masculine, jump out of that tree and tear you clothes off and chase that deer down and kill it with your bare hands! …… that’s extreme. Sorry. But you catch my drift…

(And all credit to Matt Chandler for that vivid imagery used to mock cultural masculinity, love that guy)

Okay let me reign this back in to the main point. Matthew, and all others who are advertising and believing this “gay-gospel”: Your extreme perversions of the Scripture are going to be the death of you. Please, ask the Lord to soften your heart and let you come to the Scripture ready to hear him rather than coming to the Scripture, deriving parts from it, and adding in your own ideas to make it flow with your predetermined acceptance of homosexuality.

If you are a professing Christian who accepts your homosexual feelings as good and believes the outrageous interpretations that people like Matthew Vine’s are presenting, please check your heart. Examine yourself and see if you truly love Jesus. Not the “Jesus” you’ve created with your imagination who condones everything you do and just wants you to have your “best life now”. I mean the Jesus of the Scriptures, who fulfilled the Scriptures, who was crucified for the sins of His people and raised for their justification. It is only in this Jesus that salvation is found.

Matt Moore
mmoore0689@yahoo.com
http://www.facebook.com/moorematt89
http://www.moorematt.com

[ This post was updated on 7/8/2012. The way that I worded a few sentences were unnecessarily sarcastic due to my frustration when I originally wrote this in March. I apologize to anyone who may have been offended. I also removed a couple of paragraphs that were irrelevant to the topic ]

Hell, or no Hell? That is the question.

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Many people in our post-modern society would prefer heaven and hell not be talked about. We see many influencing leaders of our culture going as far as to say that heaven and hell don’t exist. Here in the bible-belt, where I live, we arent used to much talk like this. We tend to believe in Hell, but just pretend it’s not a reality by keeping it as far back in our minds as possible. But this “no eternal consequences” ideology is gaining vast popularity in much of our country and much of the world.

I’m not going to lie, the idea of there not being a real Hell sounds great. No eternal punishment? No eternal anguish? Who wouldn’t want that to be true? I would love for that to be true! I mean, who really wants people to suffer forever? Not me.

But let’s think about this. If there is no heaven nor hell, then there can’t be an absolute “right” or “wrong”. And If there is no absolute right or wrong, there is no thing as absolute truth. If there is no absolute truth, then we have nothing but “personal truths” which differ according to each individuals feelings and opinions. This idea is an oxymoron in itself because two or more “truths” that contradict each other doesn’t even make sense. Either one is right and one is wrong, or they are both wrong. If I tell you the sky is green and you tell me the sky is blue, we can’t both be right can we? How much more severe then is the matter of truth concerning eternity. Some say there is only heaven. Some say there is both heaven and hell. Some say there neither are real. Well, someone’s got to be wrong.

Humanity in its limited capabilities is not able to determine truth. Sure, we can discover certain truths, such as gravity or the water cycle or the color of the sky. But we as mortal beings are not able to determine eternal truths. We can come up with ideas and philosophies all we want about eternity and eternal destinies, but at the end of the day they are just ideas and philosophies.

The search for truth always parallels with the search for God. I mean, the Creator of all things would obviously be the holder of truth, correct? Correct. And every person, whether they want to accept it or not, has an innate knowledge that there is indeed a God. Therefore there is such thing as ultimate truth. The problem is, we would never know this truth unless He decided to reveal it to us in an absolute and objective way. Has God done this?


He has. Through His Son.

Jesus Christ came into this world bearing witness to the truth. “In fact, for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth.”- John 18:37. Now, Jesus did not merely expect us to believe what He said on account of Him just saying so. The signs and miracles He performed (and ultimately His resurrection from the dead) bore witness that He was in fact true.

Many would agree that Jesus was the Son of God, but still reject the idea of the Bible being inerrantly true. But we see Jesus also confirming the authority and divine nature of Scripture. He constantly would use the words, “so the Scripture might be fulfilled” and often referred back to the Old Testament Scripture in His teachings.

And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead. (Luke 16:31)

Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God. (Matthew 22:29)

Yet still people would say, “well, the old testament is inspired. But not the new testament. The epistles and gospels were written after Jesus’ death so we can’t trust them to be true.” Yet, we see Jesus addressing this as well while speaking to His disciples:

I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now. Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. (John 16:12, 13)

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. (John 14:26)

And ye also shall bear witness, because ye have been with me from the beginning. (John 15:27)

If God provided the first covenant in the form of written Scripture, why would He not provide the New Covenant in form of written Scripture? And by the way, don’t let your skepticism fill your mind to the degree that you forget God is sovereign, as I have done before. He posseses the omnipotent power to reveal truth accurately and preserve it.

The Scriptures are true. The Heaven and Hell Jesus and the apostles taught about are real, folks. They are physically real places. Because of our fallen nature, we fail to see how evil we really are and how much we justifiably deserve an eternity of punishment for the trespasses we have committed against God. Before He saves us and gives us a new nature, we walk the paths of our lives blatantly ignoring Him and ignoring the truth He has revealed. We pursue our own desires and lusts and never give Him a second thought. He is our CREATOR. He deserves our worship. But we worship ourselves instead.

Yet in a profound expression of His love and mercy, we see Him send His Son Jesus into the world to take upon Himself all of our heinous deeds, corrupt desires and vile natures. He was crushed under the wrath of God and poured out His blood so that all who would see the incomparable beauty of His sacrifice and their dire need of His rescue could drown themselves in the never-ending supply of God’s grace and love. For eternity.

Eternity may only be a concept in our minds right now, but it will be an experiential reality for every human one day. Grab hold to Jesus. He is our only escape from the damnation that we surely deserve and our only way of entry into an abundant and explosively joyful eternity with God.

My Full Story: Homosexuality, Drunkenness, Grace and Redemption.

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My name is Matt Moore. I was born in Shreveport, Louisiana in June of 1989. I was born again in September of 2010. This is my story.

Some of the things that I am about to reveal in this writing I have never written or spoken publicly about. Please, bear with me if the writing doesn’t flow eloquently. Because some of these things I just don’t know how to put eloquently. I have not thought about some of these occurrences much since they took place, but the more that God reveals to me the truth and origin of the homosexual feelings I have, the harder it is to keep blocking them out of my mind. Even at this moment as I type out these words, I am fighting the urge to shut my emotions down completely and numb myself as I tell you this. I’ve always been good at that… turning the emotion “switch” off. But I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want you, even through these written words, to feel what I feel and connect with me in a real way. I pray that God opens up your heart to be able to do that. And I pray that through doing so you will be able to relate to me and my struggles in a way that can help and strengthen you.

To the best of my memory, I was the age of 4 or 5 when I was exposed to pornography for the first time. Obviously I did not choose to open myself up to it, but because of another’s actions, I was. He would get me to watch it with him. I also remember that multiple times I would play a “game” with this person which entailed me undressing him while he was asleep. I guess I must have been reenacting whatever I had seen in the videos we had watched. There was never any kind of molestation between me and this person, only what I have just described above took place. After watching the pornography and playing these “games”, I also remember at least one time something similar happened with my mom’s friend’s son who was about my age. No sexual contact took place, just another “game” where I asked him to expose himself.

 

When I was around the age of six, my parents split up. My mom immediately pursued a relationship. Another relationship, with a woman. This woman basically lived with us, as I remember sleeping over all the time. I of course was shielded from the knowledge that she and my mother were romantic in their relationship. But I had an innate feeling that there was something more to it. I wouldn’t be told about the fullness of what was actually going on until I was 13 years old, almost seven years later. But I wasn’t surprised. Nothing inappropriate ever happened between me and my mom’s girlfriend or anything like that, nor was I exposed to any kind of sexual behavior between them. But now looking back, I believe that there was some kind of demonic presence about her and the situation (I know it’s not politically correct to talk about demons in today’s world. But it’s a reality, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not). It’s the only way that I can explain knowing what was going on without really knowing.

You see, I did not even know what “gay” or “homosexuality” meant until a couple years later when my dad would sit down and explain it to me. But I already had a spiritual awareness of it, I guess you would say. I had “feelings” that I could not really explain in words due to a lack of knowledge, but those feelings were very real and were affirmed by the knowledge that I would acquire from that conversation with my father. I knew at that time that I was one of these “gays”. (It was also at this time I fully realized what had happened with my mom and the other woman. My mother quickly got out of the gay lifestyle, in a matter of months, and was remarried and had more children).

From about third grade to sixth grade, I didn’t think about homosexuality much. It never really crossed my mind. I do remember I played with girls more than boys and was quite uncomfortable around other boys, but there was nothing much of sexual nature in my thoughts during these years. When puberty hit in full swing, everything changed. I started developing crushes on other guys that I was friends with in middle school. I definitely knew that it was wrong, but my perception of “wrong” was defined by the culture I was surrounded by. In my mind, me having a crush or being attracted to another male was wrong because everyone else said it was and because everyone else was having feelings toward members of the opposite sex, not the same sex.

In my freshman and sophomore year of high school, the intensity of my homosexual feelings grew. I started to have more friendships with guys than I had in elementary and middle school, since I played football. My attraction toward other males was strengthening. I was great at being friends with the girls, but never had any more emotions for them beyond those of friendship. Simultaneously, it was harder for me to be friends with the guys because emotions beyond friendship would start manifesting. But I became really good at suppressing those feelings and doing what I needed to do to be perceived as somewhat normal. Well, to not be perceived as gay.

The next occurrence I will speak of I also have not revealed as public knowledge. When most people ask, I tell them that my first sexual experience with a guy was in college. But this isn’t true.

When I was 16 one day I went to the mall. If you’ve ever been to the restroom at the mall there’s a good chance that you’ve seen the writing on the walls and stalls, people putting up their phone numbers with explicit messages. Well, on this day I saw one of these “invitations“ and I saved the number into my phone. I definitely didn’t call the number, I was way too shy and scared to do that. But I did text the man. For a couple of weeks, we would text periodically. We would talk about things sexual in nature, not to your surprise I’m sure. One day during the summer, I was out mowing yards and I just could not get the idea of having sex off of my mind. So I started to text this guy because he was the only avenue by which what I wanted so badly to do could happen. I didn’t know any other gay people. All day long I kept toying with the idea, and the more that I toyed with the idea the more my heart started to race and my adrenaline started to pump.

He called me, I answered, we talked, and I headed that way. The whole drive over to his trailer park, I couldn’t believe what I was doing. I knew it was unsafe and risky, but my overwhelming desire to have sex shut out all other logical thoughts. I pulled into his drive way, walked up on his porch, and he opened the door and I went inside.

It’s hard to explain how I felt walking out of his door. Numb would probably be the word best fit to describe what I was experiencing. I was numb and in shock at what I had done. I had had these thoughts, lustful thoughts, for years… but me actually having sex with another man really took it to a whole different level and my “gayness” became more realistic to me than it ever had before. I did not think that I would feel this way! I thought I would be ecstatic. I thought that I would be satisfied.

As I got into my truck and drove away, the emotions hit me like an avalanche. I was so ashamed and disgusted by what I had done. I started crying out to God… I don’t know why. I had never really acknowledged God much before, but my first inclination was to ask Him to forgive me and change me. I wanted God to make me straight. So I became what I thought was a “Christian” the next day. I stopped cussing, tried to stop thinking about guys, and started listening to Christian music. This was a short-lived phase that faded out in a couple of months.

You see, I wasn’t coming to God because I knew I was a sinner and needed His forgiveness through Christ. I was only coming to God because I wanted Him to make me straight. I didn’t want God. I wanted to be straight.

Almost two years later I graduated high school and went off to college, just about an hour away from where I grew up. It was in my first year of college that I would have sex again, with two different people. Both of these guys were “in the closet”. That was the best option for me, because I was in no shape or fashion wanting to come out publicly about being gay. We had a mutual agreement to not speak to anyone else about what happened between us. Although I was becoming more accepting of my homosexual feelings, I still was not ready to ask everyone else to be accepting of them.

After my first year of college, I moved back home. I pretty much flunked out due to my excessive drinking and partying. I went out almost every night of the week, which didn’t leave much time to sober up and go to class. After living back home for about a year, I decided to move to Baton Rouge. Shortly after moving down there, actually the first day I moved down there, I met up with a guy who I had met on Facebook and we “hooked up”. Unlike the ones before, I developed really strong feelings for this guy. I liked him more than I had ever liked anyone in my life! In my naivety, I assumed that he really liked me as well since he wanted to hook up with me all the time. I conjured up all these ideas in my imagination about being in a real relationship with him and being happy, blah blah blah. He apparently did not feel the same way because the more that I would text him, the less he would text me. It would drive me absolutely insane. I mean, the biggest pet peeve of mine is being ignored! It really hurt my feelings. But just about a week later I met another guy, on Facebook yet again. Basically the first situation repeated itself with this guy too. I was so depressed. I just left work one day, got all my stuff from where I was living and moved back home to Shreveport.

Because I had tasted of sex and what I thought was “romance”, I wanted more. I spent a lot of time on gay networking sites. I connected with this one guy who was very attractive and lived two hours south of me in Alexandria. We exchanged numbers and started to text and have phone calls at night. I hadn’t even met this guy and was already very intrigued with him. One weekend I told all my friends and my mom that I was going to Natchitoches to go out with my friends (that’s where I spent my first year of college), but I was really traveling to Alexandria to spend the weekend with this guy. Within an hour of being in his house, things took a sexual turn. We went out that night to a gay bar, which happened to be my first experience in the gay nightlife scene. I absolutely loved it.

For the next few weekends I would drive down there and do the same things. The feelings I had for this guy were more powerful than any of the previous ones. I became obsessed with him. He honestly was all that I thought about from the time I woke up until the time I went to sleep. And I would get depressed when he wasn’t giving me the attention that I wanted. I would then find out that he was also fooling around with his ex-boyfriend. So that rendezvous ended within a couple of months.

You see, I wanted 24-hour attention. I wanted somebody to be enthralled with the thought of me and in love with every part of me to the point that they never wanted to stop talking to me or separate from me. I had a yearning in my soul that God had placed there for Himself, but I was perverting that desire and directing it toward people instead of my Creator.

By this time I already had a substantial love for alcohol. I use the word “love” rather than addiction, because I really did love it. Being intoxicated was when I was the most happy. And now that I had experienced the excitement of the gay night-life, I wanted more of it. I started going to the gay bar in the city where I lived. I had told a few of my girlfriends that I was gay, so they would accompany me on the nights that I would venture out to the club. Within a month I was at the gay bar 4-5 nights a week, getting extremely drunk each night and having so much fun. I was receiving so much attention from other gay guys and I thrived on that attention, it made me feel magnificent about myself… which I never had felt before. I felt like I had some sort of power in that place. I was accepted by all, esteemed by most, and finally felt like I had started living the life I deserved to live. I came out as gay to everyone that I knew, family included. Everyone was so supportive of me and encouraged the lifestyle I was living, except for my dad. But he eventually started to come to terms with it. My family knew that I hadn’t been happy, ever, and just wanted me to find happiness.

Unfortunately, I was kicked out of the gay bar after about 4 months when they found out I had been using a fake ID. I wasn’t legal age yet, 21.

I quickly met another guy on Facebook (I didn’t like being bored) who lived about an hour away. We would end up dating for a couple of months during my “suspension” from the gay bar, but the relationship would end abruptly and badly. Every time I placed my feelings into another person they would return back to me crushed and destroyed. The only way that I knew how to deal with this and feel better was to start going out again. I couldn’t go to the gay bar for another few months until I turned 21, but I frequented the other bars in town with my fake ID every weekend.

In June of 2010 I FINALLY turned 21 years old. I can’t even explain to you in words how excited I was. I actually prayed to God weeks prior to my birthday to “please not let me die before I turn 21 and go to the gay bar again!!”. I had a huge party at my house to celebrate this momentous occasion in my life, and when the clock struck midnight, I headed out on the town. Now that the law couldn’t hold me back, I was free to return back to the gay-scene that I missed oh-so much.

My drinking became more excessive in the weeks and months to come. I started blacking out during my time at the bars. I wouldn’t pass out, but I would lose awareness of what was going on and lose complete memory of short periods of time. I had already earned myself a promiscuous reputation, and was proud of it. But my behavior began to intensify and at a very quick rate. One night in particular, at the end of June, I remember being at the gay bar around four a.m. or so after most people had left. I saw this guy and began to talk to him, flirtatiously (as I often did). He ended up taking me home, which I don’t remember, and as we were in my bed my awareness was restored to me and I remember him looking at me and telling me he was positive. HIV positive. And I looked back at him and told him, “I don’t care.” We pursued our activities.

The next day was the closest my mind has ever wandered toward suicidal thoughts. I was gripped by the fear that I had contracted this fatal disease from him and that it would ruin every aspect of my life. I was afraid no one would want me anymore and that my days of partying would end. I was afraid of being sick. I was so afraid.

That night I went to eat with my friend Haylee who had just recently become a Christian. We started talking about God and Jesus and everything, and I remember looking at her across the table while we ate and telling her, “I know if I died right now that I’d go to hell. But I can’t give up my lifestyle and I can’t give up my friends.” I didn’t say this in anger at all. I wasn’t angry at her or about anything that she was saying to me. It was just the reality of my spiritual and mental state. I was spiritually dead.

In the months ahead my alcohol consumption basically tripled. I don’t know how my body was able to handle so much alcohol without shutting down, other than the grace of God that was already on my life. The short black-outs started to last longer, a lot longer. I would black out and have no recollection from about 12am-4am every night that I went out, which was 3-4 nights a week. I would have sex with complete strangers, wake up in hotel rooms across town with no recollection of how I got there, find myself stranded on the side of the road, etc.

My drinking was extreme. My lust was more extreme. Both of these sins were consuming me……….. and I was loving every single minute of it. It was amusing to me. I was grateful to have the “out of control” banner placed on me by my friends. It was my reputation, and I enjoyed living up to it.

In reality I just didn’t know who I was. Drinking and being out of control were things I was good at, so I strove for perfection in those activities.

The weekend before Labor Day 2010 I was out on a Saturday night as usual. This night was particularly special because I had a large group of my straight friends going with me to the gay bar that didn’t regularly go. It was always great having people I knew in my stomping grounds. I drank just as much this night as I normally did, but for some reason I wasn’t blacking out like usual. I kept drinking and kept drinking, but something was different. I was out on the floor dancing around 3 am, and a thought struck me. It was almost like a voice, speaking to me.

It was, “Matt, what are you doing?”

I didn’t understand what was going on, but I suddenly felt somewhat ashamed of myself. It was weird, to say the least. I stopped dancing and ended up leaving the bar shortly after that. Little did I know that this would be the last night that I would ever enter a gay bar.

Over the next few days I was thinking about God. This was strange, because thoughts of God rarely occurred in my mind, and when they did they were fleeting. I had never really sat down and pondered about Him. I particularly really started thinking about Him after a friend of mine sent me a P4CM (Passion For Christ Ministries) video just two days after the weird occurrence at the bar. The man in the video was basically saying that most people come to God only when they want something from Him or want something fixed. And then as soon as their problem goes away, they go away too. He was discussing the danger of this mentality in light of the fact that we don’t know when the day and time is that we will leave this earth and enter into one of two eternal places, Heaven or Hell. I had heard messages like this many times before, but this was the first time that my heart was really struck by it. I think it was the next day that I got on my floor and asked Jesus to save me….from myself.

He did.

For the first couple of weeks I would tell my Christian friends (I had two of them, who had just been saved a year before I was) that I didn’t know if being gay was right or wrong, but I wasn’t going to worry about that at the moment. I was going to seek God out, and then let Him show me what He wanted to show me. Deep inside I knew that homosexuality was wrong, but I still wasn’t to the point that I could say it out loud… especially to people who had known me very well for years. But eventually I was able to tell them that homosexuality was wrong and that I knew I had to deny those feelings and not give into them.

I never really thought, “I want God to cure me of my homosexuality”, to many people’s surprise. I mean, I knew that it was wrong and that it was sinful, but my goal was not (and is not) first and foremost to be “cured”. My goal was (and is) to know God. This was so unlike my Christian phase in High School. This was real. Intrinsically I knew that knowing God would be the solution to ALL of my problems.

It’s been about a year and a half now since the Holy Spirit began His work in me. And it’s been one heck of a ride. Leaving the lifestyle wasn’t that hard for me, as I know it can be for others. I wanted Jesus more than I wanted acceptance from those who used to be my friends. Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t just stop talking to them or block their numbers. But as they saw that I wasn’t going out anymore, they slowly stopped wanting to talk to me. And after I became more public with what God has done in my life and my view toward Him and sin now, they really haven’t wanted anything to do with me. I’ve gotten a few nasty messages and have heard a few nasty things people have said about me through the grapevine, but it doesn’t compare with the treasure that I have now in Christ. I get to know God!!! I get to seek Him out constantly! And more than that, He seeks me constantly. My whole life I looked in all the wrong places for the attention and love that I desired, but praise God that in His sovereign goodness He opened up my eyes and heart and drew me near to Himself in order that I would see how magnificent He truly is. Nothing compares with being in a real, thriving relationship with Jesus Christ. Nothing.

I still struggle with homosexual temptations and have to fight the sinful urges on a daily basis. But it’s SO immensely worth the fight! Because of the working of the Holy Spirit in my heart, I am able to see clearly that the homosexual feelings I have are a perversion of the gift of sex that God gave mankind. I am able to see and believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that me idolizing my sex drive over the God I was created to worship caused so much destruction in my life (I did get tested for HIV by the way, twice. Both times were negative, praise God!). I know that the things that happened in my childhood were outside of my control, but because of my own brokenness and depravity I still chose to make myself and my desires more important than Jesus Christ.

(On that note, I need to say that I do not hold any kind of resentment or unforgiveness in my heart toward anyone from my childhood that may have played a part in the development of my homosexual feelings. We are ALL sinners in need of grace and forgivness. And ALL of us sin in ways that affect other people. Forgiveness is so, so important!)

I am also quite aware that I bewilder people. They don’t understand why I would neglect what feels so natural to me because a 2,000 year old book says that’s it’s wrong. Firstly, I don’t do it simply because a book says it’s wrong… I deny my sinful desires because God tells me it’s wrong. God commands me to repent of my sin not because He’s an evil dictator, but because He’s a loving Father who knows that my sin will destroy me in multiple ways. Mentally, emotionally, physically, and ultimately eternally. If you don’t think homosexuality hurts anybody, just check out the statistics. Check out the number of murders among the gay community. Check out the addiction rate among homosexuals. Check out the average lifespan of a male homosexual. Seriously, just google it. You can see for yourself.

A question I often face is “how do you know the Bible is true?“ About a year ago I would normally go into an apologetic spill about the evidences of the Bible’s authenticity and about the amount of manuscripts we have of the New Testament as opposed to other famous works of antiquity that are not even slightly questioned. But it is really much simpler than that. The Holy Spirit of God witnesses to the children of God that they are His and He speaks to them and gives them assurance of things that are true, just and right. The Holy Spirit also witnesses to the spirits of the those who believe in Christ that the Scriptures are true. Jesus started so many statements in His earthly ministry with the phrase, “It is written..” If we believe in Jesus, we must believe what He believed. And He believed the Scriptures were true. Therefore so do I.

It is burdensome to follow Jesus and His will? Not at all. It brings me more joy than I can express in human language. But it is difficult at times? Yes. But the joy is not lost amidst the difficulty. Sanctification isn’t always pleasant, in fact, it rarely is. What the Holy Spirit begins in us at the moment of conversion is a process that will continue on for our entire life in this world, if we are truly His. God doesn’t just save someone and leave them alone. He works in them continually in order to purify them from the filth of this world and make them holy, both for their joy and His glory.

“for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure”- Philippians 2:13.

I can, in truth, firmly say that the longer I keep turning away from my homosexual desires, the less in strength they become. My homosexual feelings have definitely diminished since the night God started drawing me to Himself in September of 2010. Are they completely gone? No, they are not. Will they ever be completely gone? I do not know. But I do know this, I trust my God. I trust that everything He is doing is for my good (Romans 8:28). And I know this as well, no matter what thorns I may suffer in my flesh in this life, they are nothing to be compared with the unceasing joy and pleasure that will flow in and through me in when I step into glory with Jesus Christ.

I do not want to in any way insinuate that I have it altogether and have completely overcome my struggle with sin, because I have not. A true Christian is in battle against sin every day of their entire life. The main thing that I struggle with the most still is pornography, but even that is changing. I don’t get the same satisfaction that I used to from it. My stomach actually turns at the site of homosexual “relations.” But I also know that if I continue to watch it and harden my heart toward the Holy Spirit’s conviction, I will start to see things again through the eyes of my sinful flesh rather than through the eyes of the Spirit. And that I do not want. But I am not afraid. I trust my Savior to finish what He began in me, as He has promised.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”- Philippians 1:6.

To whoever is reading this, if you get anything from anything that I’ve said, please get this: We were created by a good God who is full of mercy and compassion. The problem is, we are evil. And because of our sinfulness, we see God as someone who wants to dictate any and all things we do. But in reality, He is our designer and He knows what will bring us most fulfillment. His commands are there to lead you into the most joy possible. I know that your flesh and Satan are telling you differently right now. They are telling you that you are who you are and God created you gay and wants you to be gay. But I assure you, He did not. God wants you to be holy. God wants you to see your state of sinfulness, grab hold the Cross of His Son, and turn away from your sin. Please open your eyes to see the truth and stop numbing yourself with lies. No matter what you’ve done or where you’re at in your life, you can be assured that if you trust your life in Jesus and turn away from your sin, then all of the wrath God has for your rebellion has been exacted upon the head of His Son.

God is with one hand extending His offer to you through His Son Jesus Christ, and with the other hand is holding back His wrath. But please know, one day both hands will drop. Justice will take place.

““For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”- John 3:16-21

Matt Moore
Mmoore0689@yahoo.com
http://www.facebook.com/moorematt89
http://www.moorematt.com

Why I deny my homosexual desires even though I didn’t choose to have them.

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In the moment of sexual attraction, I am not choosing that attraction. At the moment you are sexually attracted or enticed toward a man/woman, you don’t “choose” that attraction do you? No, you don’t. No one “chooses” that…. (I apologize for using the word “choose” redundantly, but I am trying to make a point so that maybe people will see what I’m saying).

I don’t choose to be attracted to men. I hate that I find myself attracted to men. I am not saying that I am “born” that way. But I’m also not saying that I wasn’t. What I believe, based on Scripture, is that we are all born into the world broken, with a sinful nature. The evil of our surrounding environment fertilizes the brokenness that is already in us. I, for one, can point back to multiple things in my early childhood (4-6) that obvious fed into and led into the strong homosexual feelings that I would develop once I hit puberty.

I believe that if I had been converted at an earlier age, I may still have struggled with homosexual feelings some (due to the things that happened when I was younger), but not to the same degree. In high school I started experimenting, and then after my first year of college I dove into the gay lifestyle… not depriving myself of any desire that I had. Watching pornography multiple times day, having sex, being surrounded by others who were living just like me, etc. The more you feed sin.. the stronger it becomes. And homosexuality is the only sin to my knowledge that the bible says God gives you over to (Romans 1). Which right now makes me thankful for the miracle that I am sitting here writing this as a self-denying, Christ-loving, holiness-pursuing Christian.

I will say this, and I say it in truth: Since I stopped living in unrepentant sin (the lifestyle), the desires have diminished overtime. Not on a huge scale, but they have diminished. But I also find that if I disobey God and watch pornography multiple times (gay pornography), the desires become stronger in the days/weeks to come. Which is why, in my personal and biblical conviction, I live my life in daily repentance (to the best of my ability) from my sin nature and seek out the things of God.

And, I”m happy. I am really, really happy. Actually… I am joyful. Because I am known by Christ. There are bad days, yes. There are days when I don’t “feel” Him. But I know. I always know.

Jesus gives me more joy than sex with men or pornography ever did. His commands lead me into joy, not bondage. My sin is what binds me. But even in the midst of my sinful nature and seasons of not-so-faithfulness, He is good to me. Out of His loving kindness He grants me daily repentance and purifies my conscience.

It sounds crazy to deny your sexual desires. I understand that. I know people can’t get that. And I also understand it’s not all about sex. It’s emotional/mental.. what the world calls “love”. And they don’t get why I would want to go my life without this “love”. Regardless of how my life turns out, I trust God. Fully. Completely. I am full of real love, divine love.

And whether or not I have everything or nothing in this life, I will have everything…forever….in the next.

In Christ Alone

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The Lord has taken me so far from where I was two years ago, but there is so much sanctification still ahead of me. I know there are sins in my life that I scale down to “small sins” in order to justify not dealing with them. And there are sins in my life that I am not even aware of, I am sure of this. I think because of this (not taking sin serious enough), I walk around not fully acknowledging the depravity of my flesh or my continual need of the work of the Holy Spirit in my heart.

But there are also times when I am very much aware of the gravity of certain sins, yet I blatantly rebel and disobey God’s command. In these times I become so aware of my sinful nature. As David said, “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.”- Psalm 51:3.

Every time I fall, regardless of the specific sin, I turn to God. I am glad that I do come to Him rather than fleeing from Him, but I have to admit that even in my heart-felt repentance I still have thoughts pulsing through my mind telling me that there is no way that I can possibly be saved. I tell myself that if I really loved God as much as I think I do then I wouldn’t continue to disobey Him over and over again. And I think there is truth to this painfully sobering statement. I do not love God as He ought to be loved, nor do I think any human being does (regenerated or not).

But no matter what the case, I never can escape the biblical truth that God has cast my sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). I am always reminded that God looks at me and sees the righteousness of Christ, not the filth of my sin. My trespasses were not merely excused without penalty. Every single one of them was taken into account and paid for on the head of Jesus Christ. As much as it may not feel that way, nor look that way, it is true. (This must be the Holy Spirit speaking these thoughts into my soul, because I do not think that in my overly-analytic and naturally pessimistic thought processes I would ever be able to rest in this truth without the presence of the Spirit in me) Christ was dealt my eternal penalty, once for all (sins), at Golgotha on that Cross. This causes me immense joy, but simultaneously my heart is overcome with remorse because in spite of the fact that the guiltless Son of God died to cleanse me from sin, I still at times willingly rebel against Him. I hate the fact that I do some of the things that I do. Romans chapter 7 describes this internal turmoil perfectly.

“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”- Romans 7:15

In these moments of rebellion, I really am the Roman soldier spitting in the face of Jesus. I am the Pharisee shouting, “Crucify Him!”. I am the bystander mocking and ridiculing Him while he hangs naked for the surrounding world to see. Yet He looks at me, dashed and torn beyond human resemblance, and says, “Father, forgive him. He knows not what he does.” (Luke 23:34).

Because of this relentless love He’s shown toward us (remember, Christ died for all His people, but He also died for you individually), I place all my hope in Jesus. The grace of God demonstrated to me through Him is the only hope that I have. And this hope gives me life! This hope, not in my own righteousness but in His, gives me strength to keep waging war against the darkness inside me. This hope frees me from the restraining bonds of guilt so that I can run to Him without inhibitions.

This hope removes all of my fears.

I encourage you, whoever is reading this, to place your hope in the only place that it is safe. Place it all in Jesus Christ. Because when this is all said and done, we will all stand before a Holy God and be fearfully aware of the wrath we deserve. Jesus is our only hope.

“In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.”

My 2-D Devil

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It is an understatement to say that porn is prevalent in our society. The average age of a boy’s first time viewing porn is 11 years old. The industry grosses billions of dollars a year. Pornography has invaded the televisions, computers, cell phones and hearts of millions of people.

Personally, porn is extremely enticing to me. If I recall correctly, my first experience viewing pornographic material was around the age of 11 or 12. From that point until the age of 17, I only watched it a few times, because I had to use my parent’s computer to do so and was paranoid about them finding out. But after I moved out, I started to watch it every single day. There was something so… thrilling.. about it.

As time went on, I viewed it more and more. Watching just a “PG” kissing scene used to satisfy me, but the more I watched it, the more intense and morbid I needed the scenes to be. For discretion sake, I won’t go into detail about what I watched, but if you have watched porn frequently (as I assume many people reading this have), you know exactly what I mean. I went from watching it once a day to watching it multiple times a day… even while at work on my phone. To me, it was purely entertainment and pleasure. I saw nothing wrong with it.

Until Christ saved me.

::On a side note, just to point out my spiritual immaturity: All I had ever really watched was gay porn. Now that I was seeking God, I knew that homosexuality was sin, so I decided that it would probably be okay to watch porn as long as it was “straight” porn, lol. Thankfully the Holy Spirit didn’t allow my foolish thinking to go on very long::

The first few months after my conversion, I really wrestled with pornography. I would give in multiple times a week, for a while. Then it would spread out to maybe once a week, then once every two weeks, and so on. But every time I watched it I would feel so incredibly condemned. I thought every time I watched it that I was going to lose my salvation. But God graciously kept leading me into a greater knowledge of His Word. He showed me, clearly through the God-breathed Scripture, that if I was truly His I would never lose my salvation because Christ suffered the penalty for ALL of my sins. Past sins. Present sins. Future sins. All of them. He also showed me, that if I was truly His, I was not enslaved to pornography or any other sin. It was in the revelations of these truths that I realized that power that I THOUGHT pornography had over me was not even real. It was a lie.

I write this blog humbly, because I know what the fight with this sin feels like. Between March of 2011 (when God really started revealing the truth of His Word to me) and Jan of 2012, I watched pornography only one time. Which is one time too many, for sure. But compared to the struggle I faced before, this was a miracle. The temptation during that time seemed to just disappear. But as I started talking to more people about their pornography problems, the temptation entered back into my life. Whether it’s demonic or just my flesh, I do not know. Most likely both. But since January 2012 I have watched porn at least seven times that I can count. You see, lately, when the temptation reaches a certain level I feel like giving in is the only option I have. I tell myself “if I’m really saved then God will just stop the temptation” (although I never even give Him the chance to do so). Then I tell myself “I’m probably not really saved so there’s no point in not watching porn.” So then I do it. You see how all of these lies led me into falling? Rather than trusting the truth that God has shown me time and time again in Scripture, I choose to harden my heart and believe what my fallen mind and feelings say. Rather than believing that God will deliver me from the temptation, I choose to believe that He will not. Therefore I lose hope, and allow my flesh to take over.

Let me make this clear, I don’t fall because I am unable to say no to sin. I fall because I harden my heart and WILLINGLY disobey. In the past 48 hours, I have been enduring the strongest temptation I have ever felt before. Which I know is due to me allowing this evil back into my life the past 2 months. Although our sin is forgiven, we still face consequences for our disobedience. The reality is that sin leads to more sin which leads to more sin. The cycle is deadly and dangerous, which is why we must confront temptation in it’s early stages rather than giving in a little bit at a time, like I had done. But the Holy Spirit spoke to my spirit day before yesterday, and told me I could resist. He told me that I could endure. And that by enduring I could grow strong in my faith in Him. He told me that I can become who He already says I am: blameless, strong and righteous. And I have been resisting and enduring. I have never in my born-again life felt temptation of this magnitude. While I hate it, I am simultaneously thankful for the opportunity to exercise my faith in Christ and prove to myself (even though it’s already true) that I have power over sin.

I don’t know where I got the idea that this Christian life would be free of internal struggles. Free of demonic struggles. There is a very real Adversary who God, for the time being, has allowed to tempt and come against His Saints. We will be tempted.. not by God, but by Satan and by our flesh. As 1 Peter 4:1-2 (see bottom of this blog) points out, those who have ceased from sin WILL suffer in the flesh because rather than fulfilling the will of the flesh, they deny their immoral desires and pursue the will of God.

I know it’s hard to believe the statement “you aren’t enslaved to pornography” when you truly feel like you are. Which is why the Holy Spirit must reveal this truth to your spirit and make it a reality in your heart and mind. As you read this, I pray that He does do so. If God withholds no good thing from us, then why would He refuse to enlighten your mind to the freedom you have in Christ? Yes, you are free from the penalty of the Law, which is condemnation and death. But do you not know you are also free from the power of sin? You have been set free to pursue Christ without the the bondage of sin restraining you. His grace is sufficient when you fall, as we all do, but His grace is not to be presumed upon. If you’re watching pornography every day, you are presuming upon the grace of God. If you’re watching pornography every week, you are presuming upon the grace of God. BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THAT NOW. Join me in making the decision to pursue the will of God; crucifying the flesh and finding life in His Spirit.

Trust in the Father, quench not the Spirit, and choose to walk in the freedom Jesus Christ has purchased for you with His own blood.

“Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God”- 1 Peter 4:1

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.”- Romans 8:1-11.

Matt Moore †
http://www.facebook.com/mattmoore0689
mmoore0689@yahoo.com