“Being Gay” is generally a set of words that I stay away from, so I want to be clear, that when I say “being gay”, I mean being fully accepting of one’s homosexual feelings and acting out on them without shame, conviction or remorse. When I refer to myself as “not gay”, I am not saying that I don’t experience same sex thoughts… because I do. But I say that I am not gay because I do not define myself by those thoughts, temptations and feelings; and neither does God. My identity is in Christ. I am His. I am not gay.
But I’ve been gay.
There was a time, not long ago actually, that I did identify myself as gay. After years of trying to suppress and hide my same sex feelings, at the age of 19 I started to explore them and in less than a year I completely summed up my identity as gay. There were no more secrets anymore about my sexuality. I was proud of who I was and basically shouted it from the rooftops. But as most of you know, God intervened. God gave me new life, called me out of that old life, and drew me to Jesus Christ. I am now in His hand… and I will not be plucked from it.
So what makes this new life that I have so much better than the old one? Denying sexual urges and constantly battling inappropriate thoughts about another person of the same gender doesn’t sound like a journey most people would volunteer to embark on, and if it were up to me, I wouldn’t have. But these are the cards I’ve been dealt… and rather than trying to figure out why, I’m going to seek out what God wants to teach me through them. Though some may see this Cross that I bear as unfair, I see it as an avenue for unfathomable grace.
My life is soaked… literally drenched… in the grace of God. Only when I sit down long enough to slow down my ever racing mind do I really see this. To think that two years ago I was in a gay night club trying to find someone to have sex with (every week) and presently, here I sit, writing every week on this blog trying to communicate why homosexuality is wrong and Jesus is better……. grace is the only way to explain that. It’s undeniable, unfathomable and irresistible grace. I will not boast in myself, but be assured that I will boldly boast in His grace.
Realizing how good God has been to me, for no other reason than His good pleasure, brings me more joy than I have time to express here or you have time to read– but I will say a few things. Knowing that everyday my steps are ordered by the Almighty… for my good and His purposes… there’s no other peace like that. Knowing that if disease should afflict me or death come at me, God will uphold me….. there’s no other comfort like that. Knowing that God, the God who bled for me, lives in me…. there’s no other intimacy like that. The idea of my “perfect life” in the gay lifestyle always seemed so far away…. but God, oh He’s so close. So immeasurably close.
My plead with the people of my generation is, please, don’t make sex your God. Because the best sexual expereince can’t come close to the explosive joy found in Divine reconciliation through the Cross of Jesus Christ. If you’re gay and reading this now, believe me when I tell you that homosexuality, apart from the saving grace of God in your life, will destroy you. Physically, emotionally, and ultimately spiritually. You may seem happy, or even genuinely be happy, but don’t take this as evidence that you’ve been blessed by God. One of the most severe forms of God’s wrath in this world is Him leaving you to yourself to do as you please…. leaving you to indulge yourself in sin and enjoy the lusts of the world, hardening your heart day by day, until you insescapably have to stand before a Holy God who informs you that your condemnation is just. And you won’t argue with Him… you’ll be fully aware of your sin like never before. And you’ll realize in that moment, very clearly, that the truth was always there… and you continually ignored it. You’ll see all your sinful feelings for what they really are.
You might say, “Well why doesn’t God just come down and tell me all that now before I get judged?”……. He already has. And it’s all preserved. You know where to find it.
We live in a world that is saturated with a “find the truth inside yourself” ideology. You won’t find it there, people! All you will find is confusion, emptiness and corruption. You’re ideas of “truth” will differ with those of others… vice versa… completely contradicting the rule of truth. The God of the Bible is the God of truth. The Christ on the Cross is the Christ of truth. He has told us the truth… and it sums up as: Repent from your sins and believe on the Son, Jesus Christ, who was slain for the sins of all who would believe. “Repentance” is not God trying to rob you of happiness… it’s God commanding you to trade in your cheap imitations of joy so that He can in exchange give you thriving, exhilarating and un-snatchable joy that lasts beyond the death of this world.
Gay person, your Creator is offering you true life. Take it.
“I am the Lord, and there is no other.
I did not speak in secret,
in a land of darkness;
I did not say to the offspring of Jacob,
‘Seek me in vain.’
I the Lord speak the truth;
I declare what is right.
“Turn to me and be saved,
all the ends of the earth!
For I am God, and there is no other.”
Isaiah 45:19,22
Thank you so much for posting this Matt! Praise the Lord! It’d be great to talk to you further sometime about this! My number is 615-856-6959! God Bless!
Amen. Jesus is better than anything!
Great post Matt! going thru some things in my heart, trying to make headways, spiritually speaking but im like a dog who returns to his vomit. Did you get my email reply last time?
“Well why doesn’t God just come down and tell me all that now before I get judged?”……. He already has. And it’s all preserved. You know where to find it.”
You mean the Bible?
Unfortunately, the word of God is not self-evident. It’s open to interpretation … were that not the case, all Christians everywhere would agree on everything the Bible has to say.
They do not.
On moral issues (forget the theology that divides every denomination for a moment):
-Is masturbation a sin or not?
-Is taking human slaves a sin or not?
-Is divorce for spousal abuse a sin or not?
-Is remarriage always a sin or not?
-Is taking civilian lives in wartime a sin or not?
-Was killing hundreds of thousands of civilians in Hiroshima a sin on the part of our commanders, or was it a justified use of force?
-Is contraception use in marriage a sin or not?
-Are oral and anal sex in marriage a sin or not? At least two denominations say yes, several others say no.
-Is medical sterilization a sin or not?
-Are women ever permitted to teach?
-Is interracial dating a sin? (The conservative Bob Jones University said yes … until they flip-flopped and said no.)
Find me two Christians who agree on ALL of these issues. You won’t find them.
So tell me: are people who masturbate going to Hell or not? What about the founders of the SBC who kidnapped blacks and brought them over here to use as free labor? Were they thrown into Hell for not understanding the Bible’s supposedly clear mandate against slavery or not, or would that be the abolitionists who defied God-ordained authority?
Despite all this moral confusion on the part of Christians, we’re supposed to listen to them when they insist there is no moral difference between homosexuality lived out in a promiscuous lifestyle and homosexuality between monogamous and long term partners?
On what grounds should we trust their ability to interpret the “truths” of Scripture when they can’t even come to a consensus on what they are?
James,
It really boils to the heart about all these issues. Are we living by the Spirit or the flesh? Are we doing it out of love for Christ and others or just looking for an excuse to condone sin in our lives. We are called by Christ to daily die to ourselves and put Him first. If my motivation eating then I will probably fall into gluttony, if it is sex then sexual immorality if money then I will be greedy. These are idols and are sin as stated in Colossians 3. We live in a world of sin and honestly church groups and individuals have strayed from the teachings of Christ and the apostles and ceased to be the Church but instead pursued political, monetary and other objectives not intended for us to do. Human history is flawed only confirms that we arll born sinners in need of Christ. Our main mission given Christ is to do his great commission which is to proclaim the gospel in words and with our lives, to be the body of Christ looking out for each with a Christ-like love radically living as outsiders looking forward to a kingdom made by God himself. The real question is if we each are following Christ or following others? History is fulled of the stuff you mentioned that makes Christianity bad to outsiders who are looking for the truth but there have been many who because of Christ have made an impact for Christ. How many positive movements such as the red cross, the salvation army and etc were started by followers of Christ who were sold out to him and love others radically with the love of Christ. I am defending religious group but Christ and the gospel since it is our true hope. The reason that many don’t agree is because most are poor students of the scriptures since the gospel is pretty simple, it is about a radical repentance from self-rule to a total submission in faith in Christ as our everything. There are some debates pertaining to non-essential preference not always clearly spelled but if we do everything out of love for Christ which then we will united in purpose to served Christ displaying the fruits of the Holy Spirit as mentioned by Paul in Galatians chapter 5. Honestly, I am really shocked by the ignorance by so many professing Christians who claim to know the scripture because many just have created doctrines using a non-contextual approach to scripture and only select their favorite verses instead of the whole counsel of God. It is not the bible that is the problem but our evil hearts that lead us astray because humans would rather love a lie than the truth.
I meant to say “I am not defending religious groups that you mentioned but only Christ and the gospel.”
Albert, true born-again Christians will always by the Lord’s merciful grace believe in the Truth and run away from lies. All others are deceived by the wickedness of their own fallen hearts. For the Lord said Himself, that He shall cause us to walk in His Ways, and that comes in the form of His ever-loving chastisements.
So…you are gay, but you choose not to “do” anything gay?
Sexual orientation is not what a person does, it is who they are. You can redefine words any way that you like for you own usage but reality remains constant. You are a gay Christian who has chosen to remain celibate based on your religious beliefs.
An individual is not defined by their sexuality or choices but by the content of their character and all of the other facets that comprise their identity. You are conflating your past personal problems and lack of responsibility with your identity. You are not what you do or have done. You are who you are.
Your semantic wrangling in order to retain or gain acceptance from a organized faith group only serves to distort reality and confuse others who are attempting to find their own way.
This path may bring you a measure of temporal happiness and peace just don’t expect others to buy into the same world view. I wish you the best in this new project you have chosen.
daemon
The use of the term of sexual orientation only coincides with what scripture says about all of us. We are all born with a sin orientation which does not justified the condition but simply describes the human condition at birth. This sin orientation reveals itself in different symptoms as Paul so often described as the works of the flesh. The gospel of Christ offers us all redemption from not just the penalty of sin which plagues us all but the sinful orientation which seeks to dominate us. The choice is ours whether we surrender to Christ wanting a escape from this condition or seek to rationalize it as my true identity. The kingdom of God is not mere words but powerful regeneration by the Spirit to radically transform lives who no longer walk the by the flesh but instead live by dependence on the Spirit to be a person who has an overcoming life that God created us to be. We are not going to do it perfectly since there will be an internal struggle between our sin orientation and the Spirit which has been placed by God marking us as his children. It is a daily walk dying to our natural flesh orientation and being sanctified as we seek Christ by faith in his promises for us found in the scriptures and prayer believing that God has a different plan than what the world prescribes to us.
Matt, so amazingly put for a man two years in the faith. Sad to say, to the soothsayer they haven’t a clue of the joy and fullness that following Jesus, walking the walk you described. After 24 years of being tangled, depressed, confused, etc., as a same sex addict, the Truth of Jesus Christ won out. I was never suppose to be gay. I was born a man. I made choices based on feelings, deceptive emotions, lies of the enemy and more. There’s no comparison to the walk of joy, fulfilment, identifying with my genuine sexuality, and the faithful love and grace of God for more than 36 years. Tomorrow, I celebrate Father’s Day with my wife of 26 years and my wonderful three sons. Before I met Jesus, my life was mostly compulsive. I couldn’t do or be anything else in my own strength. But after accepting Jesus, I was given the power of choice to be and do rightfully. And like you said, a joy and empowerment became evident that I had never knew or had before. The enemy is still alive and can solicit you daily to give in and go back. But the evidence is overwhelming and the rewards for choosing and doing right far exceeds any delusional lust of the past. It just don’t make sense at times as to what the past life ever had. Thank you Matt. I think 36 years is a good vote of endorsement to what you posted. May others be willing to realize their error, their blindness, their ignorance and their deceived self confinement. May their heart begin to yearn for that love that only Jesus can bring.
beautiful, Matt!!
These parts made me want to stand up and shout out, too
“The idea of my “perfect life” in the gay lifestyle always seemed so far away…. but God, oh He’s so close. So immeasurably close.”
AMEN!!! It’s just so crazy — we lust so strongly for things that just never *fully* satisfy and never satisfy for long until we need more…. so much so that when we are offered the One to partake in and have constant companionship – it takes a long time for that to even be believable. We are so used to not being satisfied & for constant striving/need for more/lust — that it makes it so hard to REST & BE satisfied – rather than searching.
“My plead with the people of my generation is, please, don’t make sex your God. Because the best sexual expereince can’t come close to the explosive joy found in Divine reconciliation through the Cross of Jesus Christ.”
absolutely. although I haven’t (or don’t) always *feel* the joy…. God has allowed me to experience it enough that even the memory of it is enough to sustain me through my dry seasons!!!
From a heterosexual female who doesn’t battle homosexual feelings…. but who has battled lust & chased after sexual impurity for most of my life until God saved me — I’m right there with you!
I pray with you for our generation to take that faith leap – to surrender. <3
@Matt Moore, I am not going to pretend to understand all your joyful suffering. Nor can I understand those ‘gay’ dudes who object to your choices, because I don’t much care. You are choosing to live with this infliction with chastity according to the laws of the divine and laws of nature. I wish other ‘gay’ folk would stop rebelling against these laws and start recognizing their true identity, beloved children of God. It really is happier there, no? The word ‘gay’ has been preverted by LGBT pressure groups because they are trapped in a life of sin and it truly is a trap. You are a man Matt. A Christian man of profound masculinity because you have honor, courage and strenght to fight the good fight. Smiling faces of the angels are looking down on you. I enjoyed this post very very much.
Matt,
Thank your post! It was encouraging. Christ is amazing and greater than any human experience on Earth. The new world waiting for us will so be amazing as we will enjoy it with bodies no longer afflicted by our inner sin nature from birth which fights daily to again to dominated us in its bondage. Praise be to God that simply in Christ is every resource and power to walk in victory and a joy, peace and freedom that blows me away!
@ daemon, dude seriously how can you possibly wish Matt ‘best’ with his choices while scolding him for those choices? Call me crazy but kinda sounds two-faced. Or my Prozac drip need’s restarted.
I merely meant that Matt is finding “his” way. I do wish him the best in that. I just hope that he can see that his journey and path is not the “only” way for all humans.
@icarusalwaydaem
Stunning blue eyes by the way man! With Davide’s handsome 5 o’clock shadow and your baby blues, I’m finding this blog to be quit the temptation spot! Oh Lordy, Lordy!
To Daemon: I would say a person’s choices to act or not to act define ” who they are”. If a man is attracted to children, and NEVER acts on it his entire life, i would never associate him to a pedophile, because he has never acted in that way, he in fact, has acted specifically differently from the urges or desires he may face. ALso, the content of someone is defined by the choices they make. It doesn’t matter how much character someone thinks they have unless it is demonstrated and lived out.
Matt,
I totally agree. When we deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus, it is worth it all!
Is is possible to sin or offend God without knowing it or believing one is doing so? If so, are we judged for those things and punished anyhow?
To insist that the only choice is celibacy or mindless hedonism is a fallacy, just as it is to insist that all gays are selfish, narcissistic heathens.
Most of us are striving to live some sort of ethical life given morality as we see it and understand it to be. We are, generally speaking, not looking to be subversive or destructive. We do NOT see it as immoral to live in a supportive and loving gay relationship that is monogamous any more than divorced couples think it’s “immoral” to remarry for the benefit of mutual support and affection — despite the supposedly clear admonitions of Scripture.
I’m not saying that there’s no such thing as morality, it’s just that the moral thing cannot always be truly known in this life.
If anyone would like to assert that they ALWAYS know what pleases God, be my guest. Just keep in mind that it pleased God for Abraham to be willing to put a knife to his son’s throat.
Are you SURE … beyond a shadow of a doubt … that you know?
Excellent word Matt. The Lord has blessed you with words that contain a message that is not your own, but his.
This is a joyful place to find, when you are saturated by studying his word day and night like he told us to be, that you can speak about things that clearly could never come from without yourself. Who can experience this? Who can know God so much as to speak his mind? In what place in the world can you find this teasure? What can you compare it to, gold, silver, a ruler of several nations? No. Nothing can compare to the intimacy of knowing Christ. No place on earth can you find anything as glorious or exciting. No experience is as great.
The Lord has clearly blessed you Matt. Very few move this close to God, those that have usually get scared when they discover just how dangerous his holiness demands. Press on my friend, his character is un-exhaustible.
I would argue James absolute Truths exist.
Yes, absolute truth does exist. Truth is a person, JESUS CHRIST THE ONLY BEGOTTEN SON OF THE MOST HIGH GOD.
Amen Matt.
Davide writes: “I would argue James absolute Truths exist.”
I’m not asking whether truth exists. I’m asking whether we can KNOW all facets of what is true.
I don’t claim to know. Do you?
Thank you Matt Moore! I’m a pastor in Orlando FL. I don’t struggle with homosexual desires, but I have my own struggles with other things. I know of quite a few people who have given themselves over to the homosexual lifestyle and it breaks my heart.
Homosexuality is theology of glory. God wants me to be happy. And this makes me “happy.” I was born this way to live in this world.
Denying homosexual feelings is theology of the cross. It is taking up your cross, denying yourself and following Jesus.
Keep preaching the gospel! It is the only message that frees us!
(Please reply to this, I’d like to have a good conversation with you =))
You’ve mistaken homosexuality for promiscuity and general wilfulness.
“To think that two years ago I was in a gay night club trying to find someone to have sex with (every week)”, is from your blog.
It describes sleeping around, promiscuous behavior, and from what I gather you weren’t very grounded. Maybe you did drugs. You almost definitely drunk too much in these nightclubs, and you didn’t have a clear purpose in life.
You say your life has improved because of the church: I don’t dispute that.
But I contend that your life would have improved had you been getting trashed in ‘straight’ nightclubs, too. It was the sense of purpose that the church gave you that turned your life around, not your renouncement of ‘gay’ behavior.
You may wonder why I’m taking the time to write this. The answer is this: To me, the title of this post reads in the same way as “Jesus is better than being black”. How is a black person going to feel about the title?
More, would you tell black people to cover themselves in talcum power, in an effort to change what they are by nature, if it was written in the bible? The idea is ridiculous, (at least to me), but it’s almost identical to telling ‘gay’ people to suppress their natural personality. Are you really advocating that?
Thanks for taking the time to read this =)
Josh, Matt has never hidden the fact he is attracted to men, so your analogy where you compare it to black people hiding the color of their skin does not work. Also, people aren’t merely born gay. If that were true, there would be a 100% match in gay identical twins, but 50% of the time the other twin is straight. Environment is also at work. Plus, skin color is physiological, like our genitals, while sexual attraction is psychological, so you are comparing apples to oranges.
I confess the church has done wrong to gays by saying you must change or else. We don’t do that with other sins. We know we fall time and time again. Same with homosexuality. I know I’ll never be rid of some of my inborn traits I struggle with this side of heaven and it’s the same of you. So there is justification for your anger. However, that does not mean God wants either of us to have a sexual relationship with someone that we weren’t biologically designed to mate with. If God wants us to be gay, why didn’t God design people to copulate with both genders? The fact we can’t backs up what the Bible has written, God’s design has always been man and woman.
Hi Matt. I think you’ve made discussion difficult with your definition: “when I say “being gay”, I mean being fully accepting of one’s homosexual feelings and acting out on them without shame, conviction or remorse.”
I would offer that that’s a poor definition of being gay because the parallel definition for “being straight” wouldn’t work. Being straight does not mean acting on one’s heterosexual feelings without shame, conviction, or remorse. It simply means being attracted to the opposite gender. Some straight people choose random hooking-up; others choose faithful, committed relationships.
Being gay, then, simply means being attracted to the same gender. Some gay people choose random hooking-up; others choose faithful, committed relationships.