“Being Gay” is generally a set of words that I stay away from, so I want to be clear, that when I say “being gay”, I mean being fully accepting of one’s homosexual feelings and acting out on them without shame, conviction or remorse. When I refer to myself as “not gay”, I am not saying that I don’t experience same sex thoughts… because I do. But I say that I am not gay because I do not define myself by those thoughts, temptations and feelings; and neither does God. My identity is in Christ. I am His. I am not gay.
But I’ve been gay.
There was a time, not long ago actually, that I did identify myself as gay. After years of trying to suppress and hide my same sex feelings, at the age of 19 I started to explore them and in less than a year I completely summed up my identity as gay. There were no more secrets anymore about my sexuality. I was proud of who I was and basically shouted it from the rooftops. But as most of you know, God intervened. God gave me new life, called me out of that old life, and drew me to Jesus Christ. I am now in His hand… and I will not be plucked from it.
So what makes this new life that I have so much better than the old one? Denying sexual urges and constantly battling inappropriate thoughts about another person of the same gender doesn’t sound like a journey most people would volunteer to embark on, and if it were up to me, I wouldn’t have. But these are the cards I’ve been dealt… and rather than trying to figure out why, I’m going to seek out what God wants to teach me through them. Though some may see this Cross that I bear as unfair, I see it as an avenue for unfathomable grace.
My life is soaked… literally drenched… in the grace of God. Only when I sit down long enough to slow down my ever racing mind do I really see this. To think that two years ago I was in a gay night club trying to find someone to have sex with (every week) and presently, here I sit, writing every week on this blog trying to communicate why homosexuality is wrong and Jesus is better……. grace is the only way to explain that. It’s undeniable, unfathomable and irresistible grace. I will not boast in myself, but be assured that I will boldly boast in His grace.
Realizing how good God has been to me, for no other reason than His good pleasure, brings me more joy than I have time to express here or you have time to read– but I will say a few things. Knowing that everyday my steps are ordered by the Almighty… for my good and His purposes… there’s no other peace like that. Knowing that if disease should afflict me or death come at me, God will uphold me….. there’s no other comfort like that. Knowing that God, the God who bled for me, lives in me…. there’s no other intimacy like that. The idea of my “perfect life” in the gay lifestyle always seemed so far away…. but God, oh He’s so close. So immeasurably close.
My plead with the people of my generation is, please, don’t make sex your God. Because the best sexual expereince can’t come close to the explosive joy found in Divine reconciliation through the Cross of Jesus Christ. If you’re gay and reading this now, believe me when I tell you that homosexuality, apart from the saving grace of God in your life, will destroy you. Physically, emotionally, and ultimately spiritually. You may seem happy, or even genuinely be happy, but don’t take this as evidence that you’ve been blessed by God. One of the most severe forms of God’s wrath in this world is Him leaving you to yourself to do as you please…. leaving you to indulge yourself in sin and enjoy the lusts of the world, hardening your heart day by day, until you insescapably have to stand before a Holy God who informs you that your condemnation is just. And you won’t argue with Him… you’ll be fully aware of your sin like never before. And you’ll realize in that moment, very clearly, that the truth was always there… and you continually ignored it. You’ll see all your sinful feelings for what they really are.
You might say, “Well why doesn’t God just come down and tell me all that now before I get judged?”……. He already has. And it’s all preserved. You know where to find it.
We live in a world that is saturated with a “find the truth inside yourself” ideology. You won’t find it there, people! All you will find is confusion, emptiness and corruption. You’re ideas of “truth” will differ with those of others… vice versa… completely contradicting the rule of truth. The God of the Bible is the God of truth. The Christ on the Cross is the Christ of truth. He has told us the truth… and it sums up as: Repent from your sins and believe on the Son, Jesus Christ, who was slain for the sins of all who would believe. “Repentance” is not God trying to rob you of happiness… it’s God commanding you to trade in your cheap imitations of joy so that He can in exchange give you thriving, exhilarating and un-snatchable joy that lasts beyond the death of this world.
Gay person, your Creator is offering you true life. Take it.
“I am the Lord, and there is no other.
I did not speak in secret,
in a land of darkness;
I did not say to the offspring of Jacob,
‘Seek me in vain.’
I the Lord speak the truth;
I declare what is right.
“Turn to me and be saved,
all the ends of the earth!
For I am God, and there is no other.”