Yesterday I went and had my third and final HIV/AIDS test at a local HIV/AIDS clinic in Shreveport. In June of 2010, I had unprotected sex with someone who was HIV positive—and yes, he did tell me beforehand. But I was drunk and told him that I didn’t care. As you might expect, I was severely depressed and afraid the next day—and since I didn’t know how to deal with that kind of fear, I just put it out of my mind completely and pretended like it never happened. I don’t know how I was successful at doing this… I guess I just kept myself busy. And saturated with alcohol.
A few months later, in September, I left the homosexual lifestyle and started following Jesus…. but I was not able to leave behind the fear that I had carried HIV along with me into my new life. So I decided, with much reluctancy, to go get tested and after a few days I received the good news that my test result was negative. I repeated the same test again a few months later and was negative again. This second test I had was 6 months post HIV exposure, and the result you get at 6 months is almost proof-positive—but to know for sure it’s advised that you be tested 1 year after exposure. So over the past two years I’ve put off going. Part of me was not really concerned about it, being almost certain I was not infected. Part of me also just didn’t want to know if I was. But I finally decided to go and get my last test done yesterday. My result was negative.
I am so thankful that for some reason the Lord decided to protect me from this virus, though I most definitely merited contracting it. Not only did I have unprotected sex with one particular person who was HIV positive, but I had unprotected sex with multitudes of people who’s HIV status was unknown to me. I did reckless and horrific things with the body God gave me, and I deserve to suffer the consequences for my actions—-but for some reason I’m not. However, I’m not sharing this to exclaim how happy I am not infected with HIV—I’m writing this because of all the people that are having to suffer the consequences of their actions (or the actions of another)—the people that are infected with the HIV/AIDS virus. I know there are many of you that read my blog.
I don’t know what it’s like to have this virus and I’m not going to pretend like I do. I have played the scenario of getting a positive test result through my mind a million times, envisioning the difficulties: the cost of medications, the expectancy of an unpleasant death, the loneliness, the judgement from others, the embarrassment. And just thinking about the possibility of these things being a reality in my life produced a sense of hopelessness in my heart—so I can’t imagine what those of you who are living in the reality of an HIV+ status are going through every day. You are walking a road of life that probably no one around you will ever understand and you probably experience a physical and emotional weight that no one around you is able to lift. But I want to try (even if I fail miserably) to encourage you in the only way that I know how… with the truth of the gospel.
If you’re HIV+ a believer in Jesus Christ, you probably have more of a solid grip on eternal hope in Christ than most believers do. However, I know that your hope might waiver at times. All of us feel our hope attacked with doubt and fear when we look at the bad circumstances around us. Fear and doubt are arrows of Satan that target every Christian’s mind, but I imagine that your experiences with this are much more intense than most.
When the reality of the deadly virus living in your body and the fear of death starts to control your mind, remember the reality that your sovereign God has eternally overcome sin, sickness and death. Although sickness/death has a “lease” on your body, so to speak, it doesn’t own your body. Christ owns your body, and He will evict all weakness from it at His return.
When the heaviness of your (emotional and physical) pain tries to crush you under it’s weight, remember that your God took residence in a human body and endured unfathomable pain…. to ransom you from something worse than the pain of sickness and death—the pain of eternal, divine wrath. The suffering you endure now is for a little while…..but you can endure it by remembering that the eternal suffering that was due you has been absolved. By God, Himself.
When it feels like this toil and trouble will continue forever, remember that this life is but a vapor. Your mind can’t grasp eternity now, but Christ is already there and He’s assuring you that this world you presently exist in is quickly fading. And not only is He waiting for you on the other side of time and space, but He’s with you even now—in the pain—always. If He has allowed you to endure this, He has given you the strength in His grace to endure. And the strength He has given you is Himself, His very Spirit.
“ But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.”- Romans 8:10
Don’t let the death that’s having its way with your body have it’s way with your mind. Set your mind on the Spirit and seek life and peace in Him. Don’t allow Satan a foothold—fight hopelessness and fear with everything you’ve got. Fight it with the truth and the promises of God that far exceed the time frame of this temporary life. Place all of your hope fully on the grace, the life-giving and body-redeeming grace, that will be brought to you when Jesus Christ comes to destroy death and fully (in spirit and body) redeem you.
Don’t suppress or hide the reality of what you’re dealing with. Stand on the highest hill in your life and let the world see Christ in your weakness. Let Christ glorify Himself in your sickness by showing the unbelieving world that your hope is not in your health or prosperity, but in Him. He is your ultimate possession, and the world will see the brightness of His value to you against the dark backdrop of your horrific circumstances. And please help us, your brothers and sisters in Christ, to see that our bodies are under the very same death sentence that yours is—we just tend to be blind to it because our lack of “medical diagnosis.” Remind us how fleeting time is, and how fickle health and security in this life is. Encourage us not to waste our lives away pursuing false hopes. Lead us to live more radical and biblical Christian lives.
Finally, I understand if you are angered by the fact although I might have lived a more sexually reckless lifestyle than you, I still got off “scott-free”with a good diagnosis. If I were in your shoes, part of me would be angry. But please believe me when I say that Jesus Christ is going to be way more glorified in your sickness than He will be in my health. The world will look at you and wonder how you could have such joy in the midst of such a horrible diagnosis, but they will look at me and say, like Satan did of Job, “Of course Matt worships God. Look how easy God has let him off…” Let the glory of Christ being made visible in your life be your motivation to get up and face the world everyday. And know that I am so thankful to God for using you to show me a picture of His immeasurable strength.
“God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”- John Piper
Amazing post Matt. Gkory to God that you are no sick and for those who are, believe what my brother Matt says. Jesus is yhe only answer you need, he can save you from eternal death and give you forgiveness. God bless you all.
Beautifully and thoughtfully written! We are all infected with sin and are dying and, in this way, we are all in the same terminal condition. Our only hope of total recovery is through Jesus, which will be redeemed in our eternal afterlife. May the hearts of everyone who reads your posts be opened to the perfect perscription!
What a compassionate and tender post, Matt. I pray that all who read it and are sufferring from any life-threatening illness will find that joy and strength from the Holy Spirit in them. The Lord bless and keep them! —We all need to keep our minds on things above. I heard David Jeremiah tell a story of a man whose wife was dying of some terminal illness. Finally he got up the courage to ask her how it felt to know that she was dying. She quickly replied, “How does it feel to be pretending you’re not?” I’m so glad for the hope and joy that we have in Jesus!!!
Great post Matt! I’m sure a lot of HIV positive’s will be blessed by it. It only takes only one for us to comply with God’s mission of spreading th gospel. Thank you for being an inspiration. Hugs from Puerto Rico.
Your courage is inspiring! Thank you for sharing and being so transparent. I pray the call on your life is fulfilled completely in Christ! Bless you brother!!!!!
God bless you brother Matt! God must have work for you to do
@Matt, thank you 4 this post. I am very happy 2 hear you are healthy. Just the other week I was having a conversation with a ‘gay’ gentleman who is in mid 60′s and he told me he lost nearly 100 percent of his ‘gay’ friends to AIDS over 300 men and a dozen or so to anal and rectal cancers. Very sad.
Davide, that is also good information to be passing along. So much is covered up about the true health issues besides aids. It’s a testimony as to the “why” God is trying to teach us not to participate in this activity. Just the “tip of the iceberg” so to speak. Thanks!
Hey Gene!! Grazie
Matt, thanks for your openess and sharing. I encourage everybody to participate in AIDS alks to help raise money to combate this diesise. If you go to a large church or any mainline church i also encourage you to have your church be a presence at the walks. At MOST AIDS WALKS there are NO main line churches present…. and thier absences is noticed, Noticed by those that believe that Church wants nothing to do with such “sinners”. It’s sad. Sad that the very people who claim to lov ein Jesus’ name will not come out and publicly “give a cup of water”.
Paul I totally understand what you are saying in your comment and certainly don’t disagree but each one of us needs to be doing what we can as a Christian, never waiting upon the church to take up this responsibility for us. Too many Christians have a “hands off” approach when it comes to uplifting those who need help and support.
Thanks Matt for being so transparent and real…the Word became “flesh” and dwelt among us…and so does your testimony. May your mistakes in the past be fuel for others to succeed in Him. I admire you and Father is pleased. Wishing you the best in your move.
Amen!!!!
Hey,
I just wanted to say thanks for the post. It really helped put to words the thoughts that are going around in my head. I recently just got the courage to get my first test. The results came back negative. Praise God, but everything you said in the beginning was exactly what I was thinking and feeling. Your post has also helped me remember to praise God in all of this and how great and awesome he is. Although I was reckless and stupid, God has kept me safe as well. I hope I can take this experience and respond in the same way you have.
Thanks again
Matt…I am absolutely in awe of the post you put about people with HIV/AIDS and how smug you are in it. It is like 2 different people are posting in the same letter. Your 80′s thinking on the whole subject is the whole reason WHY HIV/AIDS is still seen as such a shame in our society. And your pretending to be Christ-like, while basically alienating those with HIV/AIDS who may or may not be Christians (I can see how either of them would be highly offended by most of what you posted) is one of the most UN-Christ-like things I have ever seen.
I am a gay Christian. Yes, it can happen no matter what you believe, and any of you who read this and try to condemn me…when you talk to God as I did and He placed in me a desire to be true to who HE made me to be, as well as start a ministry to minister to the LGBT community who are the MOST shunned people by the “church” (I use a small c because it is NOT God’s church, it’s man’s take on what they believe God wants…we will see HIS Church when Christ returns or if we make it to heaven to see in person) in today’s society. But it’s funny that a lot of self-proclaimed “Christians” have used the Bible to allow them to hate people or groups of people for generations. They used it against women, against blacks, against gays, against those in the Middle East. Heck, the “church” has KILLED more people in the name of “god” (not the real one) than it ever worked so spread the Gospel too. Churches like mine are working to change that. We have gotten away from the traditional governing bodies of churches, which have become ingrained with hatred, bigotry, love of money, and worst of all…does not follow Jesus’ last commandment to go into all the world and spread the Good News. They get too comfortable in their little world (the walls of their church) and stop being a beacon of God but instead become a haven of mediocrity. God NEVER meant for us to be mediocre, to just get by, and to not reach out to ALL people.
I can tell you, this article does NOT reach out to the intended audience. The only reason I found it is because through my facebook, there is a movement in my city to come and post how the gay community feels about your putting down of gays and particularly those with HIV/AIDS. So I thought I would come here first with a Christian heart and tell you just how much you should get to know people who are HIV positive, and open your heart to actually love them instead of automatically being afraid or condemning them. When you allow yourself to love as Jesus did, only then will you be able to speak after Him and have His power to convert those who do not know Him.
Matt, I really hope you have had your interaction/crossroads with Jesus Christ, and didn’t just half-heartedly understand and say a prayer led by a pastor. Saying a prayer will not save you, that is very clear in the Bible. It is when you actually understand what is at stake and believe in what Jesus did for you, then commit your life to Him, that the “transaction” takes place between you and Him. I hope you examine yourself and don’t end up like the man in Matthew Chapter 7 who said “but Lord I did all these things in your name and in your honor” and the Lord said “I never knew you.”
Did we read the same blog post? I thought Matt’s article was compassionate, loving, encouraging, and most importantly, gospel-centered. I am genuinely curious as to how Matt put down people with HIV/AIDS or condemned them?
Crystal,
Love, speak the truth and pray. The reason that you and him see it differently is because Paul told us in 1 Corinthians chapter 2:15-16 the following:
“Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God. But this fragrance is perceived differently by those who are being saved and by those who are perishing. “To those who are perishing, we are a dreadful smell of death and doom. But to those who are being saved, we are a life-giving perfume. And who is adequate for such a task as this? NLT”
“when you talk to God as I did and He placed in me a desire to be true to who HE made me to be”
Be very careful how you talk about this, if you are saved in Christ. Phrases like these, coupled with parts of the rest of your post, set off alarms all over the place, as you are beginning to sound as if you are not a sheep but rather a ravenous wolf. I’ve been reading Matt’s blog posts, and from what I’ve read, I think he is dead-on with his being both saved in Christ and gay and how he approaches it in a biblical manner. Your accusations put forth against Matt are disturbing and make me question your motives for even posting here.
It’s interesting how you didn’t mention your love for God. Like at all.
This is such an idiotic, hate-filled response to Matt’s blog that one would wonder if you really are a Christian. There is NOTHING in what you say about Matt’s blog that is true. He was not condemning or shaming at all.
It seems like you just made comments without even reading what he said.
I am glad that your results came back negative! Praise God! I wish you the best on your journey to New Orleans. I pray for God’s blessing on you as you go to witness to people there.
Praise God! He was merciful. I watch a brother who left the gay lifestyle and who then came to our church suffer from it. The gay community rejected him but we received him in our congregation. These individuals need our love and prayers. God loves them even the ones who are God haters because Christ died for us while we were his enemies. Be praying that God will bless you and use you to bring the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ which sets people free from the power of sin. You were spared for a reason.
I knew there was more to Matt’s story than what was being told on this blog. You ran from your gay identity to religion out of of fear of your unknown HIV status. This is a form of religious escapism that is grounded in fear.
Now with a negative test result, you now have nothing to fear, so the basis for your shift to a belief system you hoped would change/fix you is no longer necessary, or realistic.
Your orientation won’t change. While I’m glad ou weren’t infected, aside fraom assauging the fear you felt, I don’t know what you expect for thr future.
I think Matt is living.in a cowardly dreamland. Its easy to hide behind a blog.I predict in 3 years he will come to terms with his gay identity and not try to depend on his twisted, neurotic belief system to try to make himself OK in God’s eyes.
Hi Jack [meoff],
Do you live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns where the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo?
Hey JackVF, go to Matt’s post from a couple of months ago, titlled (something like) “How God Saved Me in a Gay Bar”. Matt was partying all night with a beer in each hand and having a great time without the slightest intention of getting religion for fear or any other reason. Around 3 AM Jesus spoke to his heart “What are you doing here?” Matt walked out of the bar and out of the gay life for good at that moment. Guess that puts a crack in your crystal ball and scatters your fortune-telling Tarot cards into the fire.
There was a similar testimony from a guy who felt the same thing. He wrote a long article entitled “I was in Hell” and who became a conservative religious Orthodox believer.
He is now openly gay and wrote about this in his article “Hell Reconsidered”.
“Hell isn’t other people. Hell isn’t heterodox religion or alternative lifestyles or open relationships. Hell isn’t a pride parade where no one looks at one. Hell is a box about 18″ to the side. It is no bigger than my own head and all mirrors on the inside. Hell is, exactly, one person: me.
So two years later, I reconsider Hell. Yes, the Hell I described was real enough but I put blame out in that essay – which blame was easy to place and, for some, enjoyable to read. I was happy to blame liberal religion, I was happy to blame liberal clergy and libertine friends. I was overjoyed to blame a liberal, libertine and permissive culture – and some readers ate it all up for it played, in many cases, into their own political agendas. I am sorry that I gave them stones on which to grind their axes and more ballast for their political canons: for in trying to blame others for my own sins, I may have misled many.”
The post was September 3, 2012, “Meeting God at the Gay Bar”.
Seriously? I lived gay for nearly 10 years of my life and had a very similar experience. I’m married now to my best friend. Change is possible. Why is that so bizarre?
@Madhouse,
It’s not bizarre, falling in love with a gorgeous and wonderful woman is completely natural. Don’t let anyone tell you differently!!! Wishing you guys best of luck and happy dreams of a life-long future together.
Yea but I married a man. I’m a chick. I was trying to share that my experience was similar to Matt’s. I was wondering why it seems so bizarre to some people who commented on here saying that changing from gay to straight is impossible. What people need to understand is that we don’t change on our own or in our own strength. It’s not about not being true to yourself, it’s finding truth in God’s will, not our own. My best wasn’t being gay. My best is who I am in Christ. Not of this world.
Gosh, sorry. I thought you were mean. Lol. You are nice! And funny.
@Madhouse,
Oops I thought you were a dude…my bad.
Be well
Milton and Davide, the reason most of us think this is a phase for Matt is that we’ve seen this story so, so often before. Of course, Matt may be different and continue to become more rigid and fundamentalist as time goes on.
Remember John Paulk who was on the cover of Newsweek as the poster boy for the “ex-gays”? He got married, worked for Focus on the Family, had kids.
He now runs a successful catering business but has recently separated from his wife. His Facebook profile interests listed “Men, Women” (before he took it down). He seems to hire predominantly young, attractive men. (Go look at his Facebook profile). There are rumors that he has secretly been dating another gentleman.
I wish him well in his new life, but I hope he comes clean and admits this “ex-gay” stuff is nonsense.
James,
Who? Wait a gay (bisexual) man who went straight, got married, impregnated a female, divorced his wife, interested in YOUNG men, now dating other men secretly? Ya sounds gay to me…he should have stayed
in the closet..Or electrical shock therapy
@Davide, personally I’m glad he’s moved on and left Focus on the Family. His catering menu and desserts looks amazing.
https://www.facebook.com/John.Paulk.Mezzaluna.Fine.Catering?ref=ts&fref=ts
James,
You’re right! Looks yummy. But I hope he washes his hands…being “gay” or at least cleaverly confused..never know where his hands have been
Davide. Please dont let them get the best of you. This does not help them in the least.
Who is “them”? My only agenda here is to help…. especially once the “Jesus high” wears off. I wonder how many of Matt’s Christian friends will still be cozy if he were to accept himself as a gay Christian and find himself a partner. *crickets chirping*
Not sure what you mean by “cozy”. After all, we still talk to you on this blog :>) although reading, let alone replying to Regan’s comments wears me out! If Matt were to “accept himself as a “gay Christian” and find himself a partner” (he writes that he had many partners before, so it’s not like he doesn’t know what he’s missing) we would neither condemn him nor agree with him and affirm such a wilfull and wrong choice. We would pray for him, as I and no doubt many others on this blog pray for you, and leave the work of spiritual renewal and repentance and forgiveness for sin to God, who alone can accomplish that.
As for the “Jesus high” wearing off, mature Christians don’t depend on emotional highs to keep them going, nor do they let emotional lows pry them away from Jesus. Though we ebb and flow, “Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever”. If we stay grounded in the Word in the Bible and in prayer, we can get off the roller coaster and “walk in the good works laid out beforehand”. That goes for all Christians. Even St. Paul prayed for daily strength from Jesus to run well to the end.
Milton, if anyone gets through to Regan let me know! She (along with others) aren’t “getting” what seems so vivid and rather basic to others… which is, if one wants to become a Christian then there are personal choices which we relinquish to God because of the predominant choice we made to follow Him. We all have the freedom (and I recognize this is dependant upon where) to select our individual sexual preferences. But if we choose to follow the path of God we are agreeing to confine our life within boundaries. One of those boundaries is the renunciation of same sex attraction.
Gene,
I totally understand about Regan. Just pray at this point. God can still do something in her heart and open her spiritual eyes. Arguing with her only wears you down and it is extremely confusing also with the rambling.
The fight against sin is constant and will be until we die. How many men fight urges against pornography and lust for women even when happily married? Does this mean that it is meant to be and approval by God. Absolutely not! So the same applies with all forms of sexual immortality including homosexuality. There is a major misunderstanding about the nature of sin and the implications of the gospel. The gospel does not eradicate the presence of sin but destroys the power and eternal penalty of sin in our lives. Walking in the Spirit enable us not to gratify the desires of our flesh which is the fallen nature that we are naturally born into. We are all born with a sin orientation but Christ in the new birth gives us a new heart which has Christ-like desires and a new mind. Religious formality and works do not work but only abiding in Christ as our living hope enables to live above the latent sin which seeks to pull us back to our old life. The Holy Spirit reveals to us the joy of knowing Christ which exceeds the presence of sin which is like vomit to one whose eyes have been opened to spiritual reality. The scriptures gives this warning about returning back to sin in 2 Peter 2:20 “If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and are overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,
“Don’t suppress or hide the reality of what you’re dealing with. Stand on the highest hill in your life and let the world see Christ in your weakness” are excellent words Matt.
Disregard all of the hate-filled comments and focus on the comments of hope and restoration.
I have a book suggestion for Matt and all you fundamentalist christians. I just finished it last night. It was written by a friend of mine. Although it is a work of fiction that barely touches the “gay” subject, I think most here will find it to be a good read. My own life and exit from fundamentalism is mirrored in Nate’s journey.
Spiritual Probation
@James
Wait isnt the author of this book a homosexual activist?
I am not exactly why you come here and blast away at Protestant Fundamentalism-obviously I am not a fan of it either but I think you have a bigger agenda….theories and hypothesis.
Okay so there are Protestant Fundamentalists and Evanglicals who frequent here..ya so? What of the blogger? I don’t get it…
I guess homosexual, activist and homosexual activist are interchangeable this days.
Why am I here? Because I’ve taken this journey. I know where it leads. It took a long time, but I came out of it a better person. I’ve seen others take the wrong path which ultimately leads to misery and pain. Only trying to help.
@ james, leading others away from Christ is your idea of help? Really? Oy, no thanks.
Loving yourself and another human being (even of the same sex) is not mutualy exclusive to loving Christ. I have many very good gay Christian friends who love Christ and also are in wonderfully loving same sex relationships.
John 14:23 Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.
Good post Matt and I’m happy for you. It’s been great to read about your journey over the past few months. Press on brother!
Great post Matt and praise God for your test results!
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/01/us/ex-gay-men-fight-view-that-homosexuality-cant-be-changed.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1
@James very interesting article. I have a couple of friends who were once “gay” now happily married with kids. I don’t know if ex-gay truly exist maybe it should be heterosexual and ex-heterosexual.. I think everyone is born straight and homosexuality is a man-made…so far science has not been able to prove this theory wrong… At any rate I think we should be joyful and happy for those who were able to quit gay…
Ex-gay does NOT exist. Let me make that clear. Reparative “pray away the gay” therapy is a dangerous myth, one that has been condemned by every major mainstream medical and mental health care body in the world. They have no agenda in promoting the “homosexual lifestyle” (whatever that means). They recognize the very real harm that is it doing to people. Even the president of Exodus International admitted earlier this year that “99.9% of people do not change their sexual orientation.” What a staggering admission from a group that has claimed over the years to help people “overcome” their same-sex attraction and become heterosexual!
Davide, you show yourself to be rather illiterate when it comes to your scientific reading. NARTH and Focus on the Family have done much to disseminate false information about the research being done into the origins of homosexuality. What researchers are finding is that it’s a natural variant of human sexuality, the same as heterosexuality, bisexuality and even asexuality. I think it’s criminal what the Church has done to people like myself and Matt.
First of all, I’m glad to hear your HIV test came back negative. Enough time has elapsed since the great AIDS scare where younger gays seem to think that we’ve either beat the virus or that because we now have antiviral medication that it’s not that big of a deal. It really is, and I can’t stress how important it is to 1) not have sex when you’re drunk, and 2) not have sex with someone you don’t know.
However, I find this post disturbing on several levels. One, you seem to imply a connection between a lifestyle of promiscuous sex and drug use and homosexuality. The two could not be more dissimilar. I am gay. Perhaps it’s just my conservative upbringing (I was raised in a Christian fundamentalist home and didn’t even know what ‘gay’ meant when I became aware of my same-sex attractions), but I have never used drugs (aside from my trusty Zyrtec and Ibuprofen), have no interest in clubs, and don’t have promiscuous sex. I am also in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend. In fact, most of the gay men I know are in committed relationships with partners they love. Here in Minnesota we just defeated a constitutional amendment that would have permanently relegated same-sex couples to ‘roommate’ status rather than married spouses. So you can be gay and not be in the “lifestyle” (whatever that means).
I’m also disturbed by the fact that you’ve “left the homosexual lifestyle,” which I’m taking to mean that you’re attempting to repress your natural desires. Promiscuity is rife in the gay community because we’re still functioning on the closeted mentality, and like a rebellious teenager we’re liberated from that closet but haven’t figured out that you have to pay for everything you put on that credit card. But simply because some gays lead irresponsible sex lives doesn’t mean that that’s how it is — or how it always has to be. As I wrote above, most of the gay men I know are in committed relationships, and the majority of them are under 40. There is a shift occurring, especially consider now that we’re talking about repealing DOMA and have more gay characters on television. We can have long-lasting and deeply fulfilling romantic relationships with our same-sex partners, and for the first time in history the possibility exists of actually BEING married.
Just because you had an AIDS scare doesn’t mean that you have to throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. You’re a very attractive guy. You’re intelligent, and you sound like a warm and caring person who could make some Christian guy very happy. Believe it or not, as an atheist, I can confirm that they do exist because I’ve dated them. A same-sex relationship is about more than sex, contrary to what conservative Christians seem to think. It’s about a deep emotional (and, yes, spiritual) connection that you have with another person that can’t be fully put into words. And I know plenty of committed gay Christians too, so you CAN be both, as several people have commented on this blog.
As Thomas Jefferson wrote, “Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear.”
If there is a God, I think he’d be more concerned with your being true to how he created you instead of blindly following the decrees of those who fear anyone who is different from themselves. I also think he’d want you to explore your full humanity by sharing your life with a man who encourages you to be a better person, and a better Christian.
“It’s about a deep emotional (and, yes, spiritual) connection that you have with another person that can’t be fully put into words.”
That is it! That is what I’m having such a hard time with. When I broke up with my boyfriend, the stopping having sex and living in different places was the easier part. But breaking the emotional/spiritual bond I have with him is so hard. Don’t know if I’ll ever be able to completely. I pray to God so much to get through this.
Breaking up with someone is never easy, especially if you were close. It’s the small things that you never really pay attention to that you end up missing the most. My heart still isn’t completely healed from a devastating breakup from almost two years ago, but you keep going. Whenever you put yourself out there, you always run the risk of getting hurt. The truth is that you never completely heal, just like a scar never really goes away. But scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Speaking as an atheist though, God isn’t going to get you through this: your friends will. Just don’t close your heart off. You’ll find love again. It just takes time.
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