“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?”- Jeremiah 17:9.
My life over the past few months has been consumed with grappling over the truth that this verse communicates. Am I really that bad? Is my heart really corrupted? I know that sometimes I desire “bad” things. But Jeremiah 17:9, along with Genesis 6:5 and Romans chapter 3 all tell that the state of my natural will, inclinations, and desires are much worse than just imperfect. Pretty much everyone, even most religions, would agree on one thing: we as individuals aren’t perfect. But the majority of people and religions and ideologies would still say that even though we aren’t perfect, we are still mostly good. The Bible crushes that kind of thinking. The Bible is at times brutally communicative of how wicked, foolish and dark man is at his core.
A couple of months ago I was found out to be behaving hypocritically, and was publicly exposed for it—as most of you are aware. Due to the publicity of my actions, my email inbox was flooded with well-meaning messages from a lot of gay people assuring me that there was nothing ungodly or unnatural about my attraction to men. At the time, I automatically rejected what these people were saying and held to the truth of Scripture. But as weeks passed on, doubts about all of this (i.e. God, the Bible, the gospel) started rising to the surface of my thoughts.